Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

So here I sit, writing about how sad I am sitting here. Amazing that the thing I am complaining about is the exact same thing that allows me to complain. And the wheel goes round and round and ...

My wife had to work all day, so I cleaned around the house some, and then came on into church. I have been here since 2:00, mostly brooding about being here. I want to spend Christmas Eve with my wife ... in our home ... doing the things we like to do. But I'm here, and she's there, 32 miles away.

If you have been following my blog, then you are aware that I have had a great deal of trouble with a small number or parishioners. Today I discover that one member of the church whom I just knew was supportive IS NOT. They've been talking behind my back about getting rid of me, and it makes me sick to my stomach. What is it about being up front and honest that eludes these people?

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." (Matthew 18:15-18 RSV)

As a Christian we must always strive to follow the commands of Jesus. Granted this is one of the most difficult things to do, but we should at least head in that direction. Our job in this world is not to tear down, but build up. I abhor the way people treat each other. What I really HATE is the way people treat each other behind their back.

I am nearing the end of my last thread. I am tired. I am sad. I am sick. I am lost. I am weak. My heart aches. My head spins. My time in the desert is long, lonely and threatening.

Merry Christmas

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