Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Eternal Roller Coaster Ride

These past few months have been challenging. I've experienced the deepest depression ever, while at the same time having extremely violent outbursts. This really made me wonder how, or if it was possible to experience mania and depression at the same time. Last night I listened to a podcast of an interview with Terry Cheney, the author of Manic. She had experienced bouts of this mixed state before. This combination adds a strange twist to the "simple" diagnosis of bipolar disorder. If depression represents the lowest point in your life, and mania the highest, wouldn't the two combined put you right where you'd like to be; smack dab between the two? The answer is no. Here you'll find that you're angry and easily disturbed, without caring for or about anyone else. This is a "no win" situation, and a very bad place to be. If only we had the power to avoid this place. But it looms out there, hidden in the shadows. So we just wait. And wait ...

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