Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

After hospitalization a couple of weeks ago, life has been pretty tough. Actually that is a lie, for life has been hell. I am stuck in a bipolar cycle that I can't seem to break out of. It comes in waves of nausea, along with my head feeling as if it is filled with "jello".

The hardest symptom to deal with, and the one that scares me the most, is the anger and short fuse. This is not like me, and something has changed. Fortunately my new pDoc has come, I hope, to the rescue. My first meeting with his office was Wednesday afternoon, and I spent nearly three hours with his PA intern. The doctor came in during the last half-hour, reviewed the plethora of notes and made his diagnosis:

1.  Mixed Bipolar Affective Disorder
    - experiencing mania and depression simultaneously
2.  Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
    - difficulty controlling urges (ex: violent outbursts,
      inappropriate comments, etc)
3.  Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
4.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - Differnential (PTSD)
    - dealing with stress of past activities, things I thought were
      behind me (Ex: divorce over 22 yeaars ago, at the time my
      home, cars, bank account and, by far most importantly, the
      opportunity to raise my son
For the first time in my life, I feel that mental illness has a firm grip on me, a grip from which I'm not sure I can free myself. I've been dealing with this for years, and I am in all new territory.

Not sure what will happen. Stay tuned. More to come, how much more, who knows ...

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