Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Play-Time is Over

It is one thing to talk about Bipolar Disorder from the outside looking in. When your medications are spot-on, and your actions are, for lack of a better term, "normal", it can be fun and therapeutic to talk about your experiences. However, the scene changes a lot when you talk about your experiences from the inside looking out. Actually, when looking from the inside looking out, there is no outside; you are in the throes of your illness, and there is no time, no effort, no reality in trying to look out. This is where I am, and have been for months now.

Being in this position sucks. Right now I am just going through the motions, bit it feels like I am going down the rabbit hole, slowly losing site of the entrance. It scares me not knowing how this will turn out. There are many possible outcomes, most of which aren't positive. But they are there and they are real.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

ECT to the Rescue ... maybe

I have never felt this low and out in my life. I have had situation occur that were mind-numbing and definite problems, but this depression has hold of me and I am not sure when or if it will let go. I have lost interest in most everything, and the things that do interest me are overshadowed by the thought that it will end, and I will be right back into the doldrums.

ECT is a recommended procedure by my pDoc, and I am seriously considering it as a possible way out of my current situation. However it involves a major time and energy commitment, one which will be difficult to accommodate.  More later.