Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

More Snow

Awoke to more snow this morning. Actually, since the last big storm, all of the snow had melted, due to rain and higher temperatures. This snow was heavy, so it didn't blow around too much. We probably received about 6 inches. The roads were passable, with caution.

MI wise, I'm about half way down the funnel (think about it). Where "normal" was is long since gone, and is being replaced by a constantly moving center of gravity. Anymore, I can only relate my position on the scale of life to the last place I was. Normal is too far away; too far gone.; only a memory. And the beat goes on .......

I remember as a kid (about 8) when I was first learning to water ski and doing more falling than skiing. I clearly remember that, when I took a really nasty spill, for a few seconds I couldn't tell up from down. I would just float for a few seconds, and I would naturally float up. This damn illness feels very similar, except for one tiny, but significant difference: I never float to the top. I just feel suspended somewhere, with no bearing or direction. I apologize for using so many metaphors, but I feel it is the best way to describe something that is indescribable .

so much to do, so little time ... hey look, a bunny ... now why was I here

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