Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

One Week and Counting

Here we are; one week off work and counting. Too early to tell how it will really feel. One week off work feels like a vacation. Two-three weeks off will feel like an extended vacation. Four weeks off will feel like I am off for a surgery or sickness. Five weeks off will make me wonder why I am off work so long. After that, I assume I'll finally realize I'm not going back. This is when it will probably sink in. Or not. How would I know?

This "retirement" or "disability leave", whichever you wish to call it, came on quickly, and certainly doesn't feel like retirement. And, it doesn't feel like disability since I get along fairly well, and my bipolar disorder disorder doesn't have a real face. Look at me, or talk for a short time, and you think I am of normal mental facilities. Catch me at another time, spend more time with me or simply take a good, long look, and you might see this sickness assume a face that's hard to recognize. Remember this face, because it is one that I might wear again ... or not.

The face this illness takes on can be one of thousands, if not more. Each peculiarity of this illness, exhibited by each person afflicted, all take on a different look. Thus, how my illness is manifested in a certain situation results in a certain behavior.

BiPo Face = (Personality) X (Experience) X (Situation) / Audience

- Food For Thought -

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