Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A Long Time Coming

A Long Time Coming
A Long Time Being
"Just Plain Nuts"
(Posted on: August 12, 2010)

After 18 years of illness (and still counting), nearly 20 different medication cocktails, 121 psychologist and over 175 therapst visits; after multiple ECT treatments, numerous cuts, stabs and various types of destructive behavior; after thousands of dollars wasted, many missed business opportunities and a lifetime of pretendiing and making excuses; after all this, it’s finally official. I have been officially designated disabled by the United Methodist Church.

People can now know who I really am. They might finally understand why I act a little “different” from time to time; they might realize why I did what I did when I did what I did. I no longer have to hide behind a fascade of excuses and lies. There's no stopping me now. I can sing at the top of my lungs, "I am mentally ill! I am mentally ill!" There is nothing that can hold me back now. I am part of a group that works tirelessly to erase the stigma of mental illness, so it's no longer an obstacle.

Mental illness becomes a non-issue,

I’m finally free ........ or am I?

Next we’ll examine what happens when the pressure of hiding your illness is over. Will it really be better than before?

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