Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Rich and Poor ... Twice Each Month

Every two weeks I go through the same routine that I've gone through all of my working life. It used to be every week, and once in my life, for about 6 months, it was once every month. Whenever I get paid, I am a man with no cares; I have money and, even though I know I owe probably more than I have, that doesn't even enter my mind. Now, mind you, I'm not stupid, actually far from it. For some reason, the relationship between money and time simply disappears.

I don't go out and blow the money on trivial things, or even things of substance. I don't go to the bars, or smoke, or gamble it away. I don't pay for sex. (For all of the psychotropic meds I'm on, it'd be a waste of money.) Actually, I can't tell you where it goes, because I don't know. You see, I haven't balanced a checkbook in over 20 years. I've begun the practice more times than I'd like to admit, but it lasts less than a day. I used to be pretty good at estimating what I had in my account, and was able to keep a "ball park" balance figure in my head. Those days are but a memory.

Last week I paid some bills, when I had money in the bank, thinking I had a few hundred left over. In actuality, I was nearly $500 in then hole. Fortunately for me, I have overdraft protection, but at $25 per occurrence, it can get costly very quick.

So, twice each month, for a day or so, I am the king of my world. And for the remaining12 days or so I worry about how, how, how I'll every get out of this hole.

Please, please tell me I'm not the only one out there who has this problem. Please.

No comments:

Post a Comment