Showing posts with label manic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label manic. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
I'm Ba...aa...ck
And time marches on, and on, and on. It is hard to keep up with blogging; no wonder there are so few hits. I swear to you that I will try harder, but lack of focus, attention do detail, and concentration are key elements to being a Bipolar sufferer. That is something that really pisses me off' people being afraid to be labeled as their disease. Come on, is it really necessary to pick a fight no matter where you go? I don't think so. So much effort to erase the stigma of mental illness is undertaken that the true purpose is lost. I know, just as you do, that we are not the illness. Get over it, and fight the fight.
I have had to get new docs and P'Docs, and that has been a delight. I have been able to hook up with some pretty great people. My meds have already been adjusted, and I might be going back in for a few sessions of ETC. My experience with previous sessions have been very positive, and I would welcome a few more jolts, if warranted.
More, and I do mean (hopefully) more ..............................................................................................
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Average "Run Of the Mill" Normal
Guess what I just figured out. We are all normal. Now feel free to just accept that at face value, and you can stop reading this blog ... no explanation necessary. Or you can allow me to elaborate.
Now we are all who we are. Right? I don't think that point is up for debate. Of course, comparatively, we are all different, some more so than others. But we are at a place called normal within our individual lives. With me so far?
Suddenly, something happens in your life that causes your psyche to alter just a little. Let's use depression as an example. One day you find yourself in the throes of a big-time depression, one that leaves you "different" in its wake. At this point in time, your mind has made a change, and you are no longer the same person that you were.
But you're not just visiting this point in your life, it's a place that a new you dwells. This new you if no longer you being different, but you as you. Once again, you are normal.
The pendulum has swung back the other way, the universe once again reaches equilibrium, everything is settled, and you are you.
Ain't life sweet.
So the next time soneone tells you that you're not normal, tell them that you are just as normal as they are, your just different. That's the way God made us, so that's the way he wants us to be,
Again, ain't life sweet.
Now we are all who we are. Right? I don't think that point is up for debate. Of course, comparatively, we are all different, some more so than others. But we are at a place called normal within our individual lives. With me so far?
Suddenly, something happens in your life that causes your psyche to alter just a little. Let's use depression as an example. One day you find yourself in the throes of a big-time depression, one that leaves you "different" in its wake. At this point in time, your mind has made a change, and you are no longer the same person that you were.
But you're not just visiting this point in your life, it's a place that a new you dwells. This new you if no longer you being different, but you as you. Once again, you are normal.
The pendulum has swung back the other way, the universe once again reaches equilibrium, everything is settled, and you are you.
Ain't life sweet.
So the next time soneone tells you that you're not normal, tell them that you are just as normal as they are, your just different. That's the way God made us, so that's the way he wants us to be,
Again, ain't life sweet.
The following post may not be for all audiences. It may contain rough and objectional language; since I haven't written it yet, I'm not sure. But in all likelyhood this will be the case. So, lock the doors and bar the windows, put the kids to sleep, pour yourself a nice glass of single-malt scotch, and enjoy. For after over 6 years of posting on this blog, I feel it's time to "let my hair down" (pretty hard for a bald guy) and tell it like it is.
Are You Sure?
It's Not too Late!
Now You're Committed!!!!
(Or Should Be)
When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, I actually thought it was pretty cool. I pictured myself among the ranks of people like Hemingway, Van Gogh and Sylvia Plathe. I finally had an explanation for my periodic odd behavior, or maybe even an excuse. I had always been a little quirky, and now I find out I wasn't quirky at all, just placed in a category in which I didn't belong.
Now, after being diagnoses over 18 years ago, I can honestly say that I wouldn't live with it. I like being labeled mentally ill because I AM! It is who I am, and it defines me. Sure, it places some limitations on me, and it's difficult to assertain when or where or how those limitations will be. They won't always happen at the same time, in the same place and in the same way. But this threat is real, and always hanging over my head, not unlike the sword of Damocles http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damocles
In the movie City Slickers Curly, the ranch boss and greenhorn Mitch Robbins(played by Billy Crystal) are riding out to round up some stray cattle. Curly says to Mitch that "the rest of the stuff in life don't mean nothin'" if you know the one thing that is the meaning of life. When asked what that is, Curly simply says that it varies from person to person. Truth or cop out?
Truth. Of course it varies depending on whose life we're talkiing about. It bothers me today that people are always trying to fit into each others molds; to take on their lives. A classic example is the exercise commercials on today. "You too can have a six-pack ab ... for only a 3 minute a day comittment, and $99.95". Sure, there are a few out there who might find this a life-changing experience. But the vast majority of people will be like me (and quite possibly you). I traded in my six-pack abs years ago for what I think is a much better investment; a keg! This is me, and it ain't going to change. So be it. Oh well.
I have gone through at least the past 22 years knowing that I am supposed to do something. You might know the feeling; that thing you were meant to do that, once finished, will have this almost orgasmic quality. As I get older, I tend to think that God had me live the life that I have lived in order to share it with someone who could benefit from my "walk". That is the direction in which I have been heading for the past few years, and the direction that I'll continue to go, until something happens.
"Alice Into the Looking Glass"(with apologies to Dickens)
"As Alice walked toward the looking glass, she could see inside, and it fascinated her. It looked different and interesting and fun, so she approached, getting closer and closer. Soon enough her nose was pressed against the glass and, shocking to her, it went into the glass like it was a thick gelatin.
Interesting. She could pull out at any time, and be back into the world that she knew. So she ventured in, and out, and in, and out, little by little by little, until this gelatin-like substance closed behind her back, and she was completely in.
And what a fascinating world it was, indeed, full of oddities and questionables and deviations she had never see before, nor dreamed about in her wildest of dreams. There were numbers where letters should have been, bicycles riding children. There were lamps on the outside of houses, along with the furniture that went with them. People walked around, some with fins for arms, some with fruit for ears and some with heads on backwards and backs facing forward.
It wasn't scary in the least, but interesting. It felt as if life was a tad off, maybe by a half a second, with real time, and things just didn't match, or couldn't be comprehended. Alice had a bit of a queasy feeling, like how you feel right after you get off of a ferris wheel. She slowly felt like she ws becoming a part of this society; like she might indeed fit in. Actually this is where she belonged, and she planned on visiting again, time permitting.
She turned to leave, putting her back toward this new society, with all intentions of returning at a later date. She walked back toward this gelatin-like substance, right up to where her nose was touching it. As she progressed, something very odd happened. Her nose kind of squished up at the end, like it was up against a hard surface. So she pushed harder, and pretty soon her nose hurt, unable to squish up any more. She couldn't understand. What was going on. She had walked in so easily, and it was so inviting. This was where she belonged, and where she felt most comfortable. But she wanted to go home.
Alice was home. Soon she discovered that even though her entrance into this world of madness was slow and gradual, once in, once comitted, it was where whe would remain. She could still see the world from which she came. but over time that vision too would fade, and the topsy-turvy work on the other side of the looking glass would become the only world she would know; a world she would soon call home.
Remember, when madness becomes reality, then reality is no longer madness - it is simply reality.
OH YEAH, SORRY ABOUT THE LANGUAGE THING - IT JUST NEVER CAME UP - FORTUNATELY!
Are You Sure?
It's Not too Late!
Now You're Committed!!!!
(Or Should Be)
When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, I actually thought it was pretty cool. I pictured myself among the ranks of people like Hemingway, Van Gogh and Sylvia Plathe. I finally had an explanation for my periodic odd behavior, or maybe even an excuse. I had always been a little quirky, and now I find out I wasn't quirky at all, just placed in a category in which I didn't belong.
Now, after being diagnoses over 18 years ago, I can honestly say that I wouldn't live with it. I like being labeled mentally ill because I AM! It is who I am, and it defines me. Sure, it places some limitations on me, and it's difficult to assertain when or where or how those limitations will be. They won't always happen at the same time, in the same place and in the same way. But this threat is real, and always hanging over my head, not unlike the sword of Damocles http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damocles
In the movie City Slickers Curly, the ranch boss and greenhorn Mitch Robbins(played by Billy Crystal) are riding out to round up some stray cattle. Curly says to Mitch that "the rest of the stuff in life don't mean nothin'" if you know the one thing that is the meaning of life. When asked what that is, Curly simply says that it varies from person to person. Truth or cop out?
Truth. Of course it varies depending on whose life we're talkiing about. It bothers me today that people are always trying to fit into each others molds; to take on their lives. A classic example is the exercise commercials on today. "You too can have a six-pack ab ... for only a 3 minute a day comittment, and $99.95". Sure, there are a few out there who might find this a life-changing experience. But the vast majority of people will be like me (and quite possibly you). I traded in my six-pack abs years ago for what I think is a much better investment; a keg! This is me, and it ain't going to change. So be it. Oh well.
I have gone through at least the past 22 years knowing that I am supposed to do something. You might know the feeling; that thing you were meant to do that, once finished, will have this almost orgasmic quality. As I get older, I tend to think that God had me live the life that I have lived in order to share it with someone who could benefit from my "walk". That is the direction in which I have been heading for the past few years, and the direction that I'll continue to go, until something happens.
"Alice Into the Looking Glass"(with apologies to Dickens)
"As Alice walked toward the looking glass, she could see inside, and it fascinated her. It looked different and interesting and fun, so she approached, getting closer and closer. Soon enough her nose was pressed against the glass and, shocking to her, it went into the glass like it was a thick gelatin.
Interesting. She could pull out at any time, and be back into the world that she knew. So she ventured in, and out, and in, and out, little by little by little, until this gelatin-like substance closed behind her back, and she was completely in.
And what a fascinating world it was, indeed, full of oddities and questionables and deviations she had never see before, nor dreamed about in her wildest of dreams. There were numbers where letters should have been, bicycles riding children. There were lamps on the outside of houses, along with the furniture that went with them. People walked around, some with fins for arms, some with fruit for ears and some with heads on backwards and backs facing forward.
It wasn't scary in the least, but interesting. It felt as if life was a tad off, maybe by a half a second, with real time, and things just didn't match, or couldn't be comprehended. Alice had a bit of a queasy feeling, like how you feel right after you get off of a ferris wheel. She slowly felt like she ws becoming a part of this society; like she might indeed fit in. Actually this is where she belonged, and she planned on visiting again, time permitting.
She turned to leave, putting her back toward this new society, with all intentions of returning at a later date. She walked back toward this gelatin-like substance, right up to where her nose was touching it. As she progressed, something very odd happened. Her nose kind of squished up at the end, like it was up against a hard surface. So she pushed harder, and pretty soon her nose hurt, unable to squish up any more. She couldn't understand. What was going on. She had walked in so easily, and it was so inviting. This was where she belonged, and where she felt most comfortable. But she wanted to go home.
Alice was home. Soon she discovered that even though her entrance into this world of madness was slow and gradual, once in, once comitted, it was where whe would remain. She could still see the world from which she came. but over time that vision too would fade, and the topsy-turvy work on the other side of the looking glass would become the only world she would know; a world she would soon call home.
Remember, when madness becomes reality, then reality is no longer madness - it is simply reality.
OH YEAH, SORRY ABOUT THE LANGUAGE THING - IT JUST NEVER CAME UP - FORTUNATELY!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Improvement or Adjustment?
Every year the oil companies play us for a fool, and it turns out, they're right. A few years ago, the price of gasoline went up to around $4/gallon. The American public was outraged, but unfortunately not outraged enough to reduce spending. Fortunately, by the end of the summer prices had dropped to the low $2's, and we were content again. And then the "slight of hand".
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
When Dealing With Me ...
There comes a time in our life when we realize who we are. This is after all of those years of trying to be who I'd like, while constantly being faced with who I am. When the two don't coincide, conflict happens. Even when they do coincide, they don't always work out for the good. If you've always wanted to be a drug dealer, and you have the characteristics, abilities and desire to do just that,, you'll probably be a pretty good one. Of course, that doesn't mean that is acceptable. Redirecting those talents into something more mainstream and productive would be the best bet.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Finally Out ... Now What?
If you are mentally ill, this might have happened to you. If it hasn’t, give it time, and it will.
A Long Time Coming
and
A Long Time Being "Just Plain Nuts"
(Posted on: August 12, 2010)
After 18 years of illness (and still counting), nearly 20 different medication cocktails, 121 psychologist and over 175 therapst visits; after multiple ECT treatments, numerous cuts, stabs and various types of destructive behavior; after thousands of dollars wasted, many missed business opportunities and a lifetime of pretendiing and making excuses; after all this, it’s finally official. I have been officially designated disabled by the United Methodist Church.
A Long Time Coming
and
A Long Time Being "Just Plain Nuts"
(Posted on: August 12, 2010)
After 18 years of illness (and still counting), nearly 20 different medication cocktails, 121 psychologist and over 175 therapst visits; after multiple ECT treatments, numerous cuts, stabs and various types of destructive behavior; after thousands of dollars wasted, many missed business opportunities and a lifetime of pretendiing and making excuses; after all this, it’s finally official. I have been officially designated disabled by the United Methodist Church.
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