Have you ever had one of those days where you just can't relax? On my normal day, I will go back into the house an average of 3 times prior to work; to pick up something I forgot, or to check the faucets to make absolutely certain that I turned them off (but not too tightly as to make the pipe break).
Lately I can not relax. I am constantly moving, constantly twitching, constantly talking, etc. And my skin feels like it is literally crawling with little creepy-crawlers. Now I am not hallucinating, and thinking they are REALLY there; it just feels like it.
Every once in a while I have a spasm where my arms are drawn up against my body , and develop a mind of their own. It is an instantaneous occurrence, and then it is over. It has never happened before.
Lately I feel as if the meds I take are acting like a stopper on the bottle where I keep my mania and depression. It happens, but is contained inside the bottle and I can feel it build, but there isn't enough room for it to express itself. It is a very unsatisfying feeling. Sometimes I really miss the creative expression that comes with mania.
I am beginning to remember why I have quit taking my meds twice. However, the pain associated with unmedicated bipolar is still strong in my mind, so I hope and pray that those days are long gone.
Trapped, trapped, trapped.
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