Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Psychotic Rage

I have a problem; a problem that I don't know how to handle. Either due to a difference in meds, or the worsening of my illness or some other factor, I have developed a violent rage that can pop up over the smallest situation. On Sunday afternoon it go so bad that my wife, who is not easily intimidated, was afraid of what I might do.

I have torn doors off their hinges (I actually knocked out the entire door case once), upset and broken furniture, among other things, and when it happens I really can't control it. I end up worried, embarrassed, exhausted and shaky.

Has anyone experienced unnecessary and unprovoked rage? I know the difference; I have been angry before, but with this rage, I am totally out of control. It scares my wife, it scares me and, bless their hearts, it scares our cats and dog.

I'm calling my Pdoc tomorrow, to see what he thinks.

How 'bout you?

1 comment:

  1. Yes I have, I can relate exactly to these feelings. In the last year I've had about 5-10 episodes where I have ended up doing £1000's of damage, over something really trivial and small. Its not all the time, but sometime something flips. I have recently suffered severe depression and anxiety for about 3 years and not told a soul; which was a BAD idea as I believe had I of sorted it out at the time, wouldn't have the current problems I am encountering. It is completely unlike me, in my youth and being a genuine laid back person. Dealing with an 'outbreak' when its about to occur? I have to think about the positives about the day and my life, and not get the small 'incident' out of proportion - count to 10 and cool off. Easier said than done I know, and I wish I could help more. One more thing, I havent had medical intervention as I don't want a psychiatric record.