Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

So, How's YOUR Memory??

I have spent my life dealing with people in many different settings; manufacturing, sales, church, etc. Now, I'll admit that I've never had a great memory, but it served me well for a number of years. However, 8-10 years ago, my wife told me that it was getting worse. Since I hadn't noticed any difference, combined with the fact that I thought I was always right (if you believe that, remember that I've been married nearly 20 years) I thought she was just making it up. After all, if you're convinced that your memory is bad, if you are told that you were told something earlier, you simply have no defense.

For instance, let's say for instance that my wife asks me to take the recycling to the garage and bring in her car keys. As I approach the kitchen where the recycling is located, she asks me to bring her a glass of water. Now, my initial train of thought has been interrupted. I'll bring her something, but there is no guarantee that is will be water. Now, if I do that wrong, once corrected, I move on to the garage, knowing that I was to get something, but not sure what it is. (Notice that I am using the singular pronoun)

I will wander around the garage not knowing exactly why I am there. The best way for me to remember is to sit down and relax for a few minutes. No matter what happens, this scenario never plays out well. I'll either come back into the house with two wrong things, one right and one wrong or nothing, and ask, "Now, what was it you wanted me to get?"

However, I have seen it become worse over the past 1-2 years. Some things I can't recall two minutes after I am told. I am talking many, many times during the day. Everyone forgets something now and then, but trust me, this goes way beyond that. My problem is above and beyond "just being forgetful". Just try and top this next story.

I had two weddings scheduled three years ago, I think for August. I had been working with both couples over the weeks preceding the ceremonies. I was walking through the sanctuary with one of the couples, trying to find a place to place the flowers, or some such thing, when it all of a sudden dawned to me; I HAD SCHEDULED TWO WEDDINGS ON THE SAME DAY ...


I think at the exact moment of this revelation, I could feel my legs go weak, my stomach begin to heave and the room beginning to go black, one shade at a time. One of the brides would have to reschedule their wedding ...

Well, after all of the tears and swearing (some words I have honestly never heard before) it all worked out. One of the couples moved theirs back two weeks, and everyone was happy (at least that's what they told me).

It might be the pills or the stress or a symptom of my BiPo diagnosis. It could very easily be any one, or all or any combination of these. How about you. Do any of you experience this?


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