Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Here It Comes

Blah blah blah blah blah ... that is exactly how I feel right now. I knew it would happen, I just wasn't sure when. I have never gone this long without it raising it's ugly head once or twice.
Last spring I needed to be home, or nearby, all of the time. At first I needed to do things for Connie, or at least help her. Then there was a time, that continues today, when she doesn't want me too far away at night for too long. When she broke her wrist, I once again needed to help her out again.
However, with all of this said, I know I am going to crash or explode ... it's just a matter of time .................................................................................
Now I am still needed for big things, and she still wants me around; not gone at night, or for long periods of time during the day. For the first time I am able to "let my guard down" a bit. No longer driven by the need to help her as much as before, it seems there is now room for my bipo to appear.
I can feel it waiting at the gates, ready to pounce, or slowly creep, into my life without me having a clue. Fortunately my current med cocktail is one of my best so far, and keeps that nasty bastard at bay.
Another blessing that has come my way is the desire for creativity, and the ability to utilize it. I really enjoy the "eyes" that mania gives me. Through them things seem so much clearer, and I am able to see things differently, from a different angle or perspective, in a way I have never seen before. I am glad that has come back a bit ... but just not too far.

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