Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Hidden Madness

Madness comes eventually to all whose brain rebels. 
Often, getting there is not a journey, but a single event; 
a time when sanity surrenders, and insanity arrives.

It can be slowing, yet at times quickening; it is 
clarifying, yet confusing; it is exciting, yet it can be 
mind-numbingly boring; it can be exhilarating, but then 
painful; those around you can be made happy, or sad; it 
destroys, with false periods of building; it wears 
disguises, or comes at you face-to-face; it is life-long, 
permanent, but never temporary or fleeting; it is tense, 
and then it is carefree; sometimes it hides, but mostly it 
does anything to bring attention to itself; it can control 
any or all parts of your body,and sometimes it controls 

You can't think through the various phases rationally. 
When mania strikes, your not manic; you're stronger, 
bigger, smarter, clever and you're right. You can't tell 
yourself, "Now, this is only mania, so don't give in to 
it, and you'll be fine." It's real, it's now and it's 

I need to write so much down, but I don't have the 
strength, or the words to say what I want to express. It's 
important; I'm serious, it needs to be said. I have a very 
unique insight on the world of the MI pastor. I do not 
know how to do this...God give me the strength to record my 
experiences. Amen

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