Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Be Careful What You Pray For

A few years ago Connie and I were discussing our future, and how we would be able to retire. We have changed jobs so often over the past 20 years that we didn't have much retirement to count on. Connie would retire in about 6 years, and I would follow 5 years later. Or at least we thought.

We prayed about it, and turned it over to God. Little did we know that He would answer our prayer soon after, and not in a way we had imagined.

A few short months afterward, Connie had a massive stroke, spent seven days in Intensive Care and an additional 23 days in Rehab. Due to the associated problems, she is on permanent disability, and is receiving disability pay. Ding. Ding. Connie is not working and receiving pay ... a type of "retirement" in a sense.

Fast forward one and one-half years. My health has gotten to the point where I am no longer able to work. I too am placed on permanent disability, and receive disability pay. And, ding, ding. I am not working and getting paid ... again a type of "retirement", not asked for, but provided.

God most certainly answered our prayers, but not in the way we would like; but they were answered. When we pray, we must be willing to have our prayers answered in any way that God sees fit. He knows our lives, and He knows what is best for us. How He chooses to get us through life is His. I feel it is most important to pray for His guidance, and our acceptance of where that leads. 

So pray, not for your goal in mind, but for His guidance and leading to wherever we need to be. That is true "trusting and obeying"!

The greatest tour guide in the world: just hop on the bus, and he'll take us where we need to be.


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