Can't Do It

When I go to the doctor, I am trusting his expertise and experience to help me get better. When he tells me to do something, or don't do something, I should follow his orders. After all, by going there I am entrusting my health to him, so for me to second-guess his diagnosis belies this trust. If you can't trust your doctor, why have one in the firs place? (Note: I have now forgotten what I was going to "say" ... hopefully it will come to me soon. Please don't think, "This happens to me, too"; does it happen to you all the time ...  it does to me.) Here it is, that every-evasive thought. Simple trust just isn't enough; with mental illness, trust required responsibility and action on our part.

The doctor may prescribe medications, but it's my responsibility to acquire and take them as prescribed. If I follow the doctor's orders, and things don't work as planned, then together we can take another course. If they work out, then life get a little bit easier. However, there is a third way this can go. No matter how many years I take meds, or how many different kinds of meds I take, somewhere in the process, between prescription and ingestion, I invariably drop the ball.

Sometimes I don't remember to order the prescription. Sometimes I forget to send the 'script in to the pharmacy. And sometimes I forget to take the med. It is rare day when I remember all three, and that doesn't mean that I'll never forget again. This isn't a memory issue at all. I can't be told to just remember, no more than a blind person could be told to see, and expect results.

I don't want to constantly forget, knowing that causes so many problems. I don't forget because I don't care. Forgetting hurts me as much as it causes problems for others. It won't improve, no matter how many memory aids, notebooks and iPads I use. Memory improvement requires memory of another kind. Making a note means remembering to look at the note. Learning new skills requires the ability to remember those skills once learned. That ship has sailed. I'm sorry.