Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Forgetting to Remember the Things I Forget

I've got a problem ...

I think it's significant, but I don't seem to take it seriously enough to do anything about it. It happens a lot, with a frequency that is nearly predictable by those around me, but not by me. It affects every aspect of my life, and it always will. I know what the problem is, I know what needs to be done to fix it and I know how to do just that. But I can't. I just can't.

Things-to-do seem to go in and ot of my head randomly, with no rhyme nor reason as to the frequency. Earlier this year I checked out four books from thee local library. As is my habit, the due date came and went, and I didn't return the books. As time went, I realized that I could locate only one of the books. I had recently liquidated my rather extensive library of books, and I think I might have sold the remaining library books with the lot. I am now up to over $35 in fines, and still, no books returned. (I did finally contact them, hat-in-hand, and explain my situation ... still haven't heard back.)

The comment I hear most often when this happens is to just do it; get it done and forget about it. (I guess I sometimes get these instructions backwards.) That would be like telling a blind person to just see; it is a disability that you can just stop doing. What seems easy to someone without the disability is simply not possible to those with the disability. The disability is not chosen, it is assigned.

There comes a time when we have to accept who we are, as we are, and live our lives to the best of our ability. At that place I am finally arriving, and to that place you should strive.

No comments:

Post a Comment