Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Improvement or Adjustment?

Every year the oil companies play us for a fool, and it turns out, they're right. A few years ago, the price of gasoline went up to around $4/gallon. The American public was outraged, but unfortunately not outraged enough to reduce spending. Fortunately, by the end of the summer prices had dropped to the low $2's, and we were content again. And then the "slight of hand".

We were happy, so when prices started to climb, as long as they below the "old' high, we're ok. Look at it this way;

    Tomorrows price is high today,
but tomorrow it becomes
    todays price, so we adjust
 and are comfortable with it
 ... and on, and on, and on.

And so it goes with life ... right before our eyes, yet we fail to see it. The longer I have mental illness, the more used to the symptoms and problems I become. After they become "usual", and a part of my daily life, they become my new "normal" or baseline.  Again, from today's perspective, the tomorrow me is odd. But tomorrow, that me is the new me, and not seem as odd at all.

That's where I find myself now. I'm not so much getting better as I am adjusting to the many problems I face daily. I have good days and bad days, but that point between the good and bad drops lower and lower. This isn't a revelation, its just the way it is. I am simply putting a "face to a name".

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