Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The 'ol Stick in the Mud

3258 Tomorrow Connie and I are treveling to Indianapolis to volunteer as timers at the 2011 Swimming GrandPrix Series at the IU Natatorium. We are on a list of people interested in volunteering at various events in Indy, and this is the first time we have accepted the job. This is one of a number of events that will lead up to the next Olympics. We'll be right on the pool deck, working as timers. I think our job is to be manual backups for the electronic timers. Anyway, they'll let us know exactly what we're doing when we arrive.

I used to love this kind of challenge, something that was new, exciting and in an entirely different element. An adventure of any kind used to excite and motivate me. Not now. As I type this, and it surprises the hell out of me, I am scared about the next couple of days. Leaving my daily schedule, and the environment I'm used to, and venture into the great unknown (a little dramatic, I realize). This is certainly not something I expected to happen, but I am becoming routenized to the point that straying from my routine causes a great deal of anxiety. Usually if I just go along, everything works out, and I end up being glad I did it. This, However, doesn't eliminate the fear I feel. This fear is beginning to keep me from wanting tpo stray too far from my "norm".

Thanks to Connie we still venture out. If not for her, I'd seldom leave the house. Eventually, even with her prodding, I'll probably become a "stick in the mud".

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