Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

First Time, I Guess, Is The Hardest

I checked out four book from the local library last October, and forgot all about them. I mean forgot. Out of mind. Every once in a while, I'd remember, but by the time I could have done something about it (ie; return them), it was forgotten; week, after week, after week, on and on and on. I began receiving calls, and then notices in the mail, telling me the books were overdue, and needed to be returned.

I found out from the library in February '11 that the total due was over $30, which is close to a record for them. Finally the stars lined up and everything was in place so that I was finally willing AND able, at the same time.

There was one little problem with this otherwise fool-proof plan; I had sold two of the books a few months ago, at least I think I did. I sold almost all of my books, which totaled nearly 500, and I can't find two of the library books, so simple deduction would indicate that these books were sold.

So on Tuesday I loaded up the twp books and ventured out to the library. I walked up to the counter and laid all my cards on the table. When I told the clerk I needed to settle my account of over $30, she laughed and thought I was kidding. I wasn't and, about 20 minutes later, she had so kindly waived the now nearly $40 fine, and arranged to replace the two missing books to the tune of about $50.

The problem, my "first time", involved communicating the problem to the clerk. I told her of my mind problems, especially my memory over the past few months, and then it was as if I started acting out my illness, right there. I was actually acting like a mentally ill man acts; speech difficult to understand, wandering thoughts and expressions, stumbling and staring, etc. This was a very humbling experience

The really nice ending to this experience was that I walked away, not feeling embarrassed, but respected and cared for. This was a wonderful feeling. If only it was representative of most people. Maybe someday. Maybe.

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