Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Down the Rabbit Hole ... Volume II

Last January I was hospitalized ... a little psychotic, enraged, anxious and depressed ... worse than I've ever been. The result of my "incarceration" was the complete removal of all nine psychotropic medications (except Lithium - my core stabilizer). After a few days one was added and I was sent home, under the care of a new psychiatrist who. Over the next ten months, my progress (and regression) was closely monitored through weekly, and eventually biweekly, visits.However, after being on the "high" end of the bipolar scale, I found myself slipping down, down, down into a deeper depression; into the rabbit's hole. The walls of this hole are slick, so the harder I try to claw my way out, the deeper I go. And the deeper I go, the narrower the hole becomes. I fear that the narrower it becomes, the less I'll try to retract myself, until I stop struggling altogether.This is my fear; that this fear might become a reality. Reality eventually evolves into acceptance, and over, over time resignation. At that time, the rabbit hole becomes home. At that time, I don't know what happens - and I don't want to know.

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