Down the Rabbit Hole ... Volume II

Last January I was hospitalized ... a little psychotic, enraged, anxious and depressed ... worse than I've ever been. The result of my "incarceration" was the complete removal of all nine psychotropic medications (except Lithium - my core stabilizer). After a few days one was added and I was sent home, under the care of a new psychiatrist who. Over the next ten months, my progress (and regression) was closely monitored through weekly, and eventually biweekly, visits.However, after being on the "high" end of the bipolar scale, I found myself slipping down, down, down into a deeper depression; into the rabbit's hole. The walls of this hole are slick, so the harder I try to claw my way out, the deeper I go. And the deeper I go, the narrower the hole becomes. I fear that the narrower it becomes, the less I'll try to retract myself, until I stop struggling altogether.This is my fear; that this fear might become a reality. Reality eventually evolves into acceptance, and over, over time resignation. At that time, the rabbit hole becomes home. At that time, I don't know what happens - and I don't want to know.