Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Up, Up and Away

Remember, last week I had a minor meltdown at my therapist's office ... depressed, cutting, paranoia. You know, the normal tendencies of one suffering from bipolar disorder, OCD, ADHD and PTSD. She had me make an emergency appointment with my pDoc, which I did, and he squeezed me in that early afternoon.

I thought because of the urgency of the appointment, that I would be going back to the into the hospital. Not to be. He prescribed, as I stated in a previous post, Zyprexa and Prozac, the latter which I had taken years earlier. In addition, he had me stop taking the Mertazapine (Remeron). After just a few days, I actually started feeling a little better. Today, after months (maybe as many as 10) I woke up kind of energized, alert and, yes, awake.

Now don't stop reading just yet. After a few hours, this mellow "morphed" into a mild mania, accelerating slightly as the day progressed. And I was happy, that is until my pDoc heard about it from the Intern who had interviewed right before my appointment. He seemed concerned and, not wanting  the mania to go "full blown", had me stop taking the Prozac, and to continue with my other prescribed meds.

Damn, I was happy to be over the depresssion, and mania felt good for a change. However, he warned me, and I already knew, that every high is followed by a low. Intercepting the mania early on would give me a better chance of finding my "normal" before I hop back on that roller coaster ride called bipolar.

BP is just that; a roller coaster ride. The euphoric highs, the thrill of the view, and the anticipation of what's to come next is always, always followed by that sudden, uncontrollable drop. Sometimes, like BP, this is followed by a short, level ride, culminating in another up and down.

We all go through ups and downs. Weddings and funerals are good examples. The depression caused by day-to-day events are normal. When the situation goes away so goes the depression. BP, however, comes and goes unaware. There might be a trigger, but more than likely it just appears. It doesn't even knock; it just comes barging through the door. And you just hope and pray that it won't shove a gun into your mouth, or talk you into getting another mortgage on your house in order to fund another junket to somewhere you shouldn't go. BP truly is the "gift that keeps on giving".

 birth, followed by the years of worry; getting a job, only to lose it .These bringdepression depression

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