Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Option for Mental Illness: Take Your Meds

3449Please tell me this happens to you. Please tell me the details; the when, where, how and why. I can think of dozens of excuses as to why it happens, but due to my mental illness, they are more like reasons.

This is really strange, and I think hard to explain, but here goes. As I see the pills slowly reduce in numbers, I realize that I need to place a refill order. It's not a defiant "NO". The thought simply goes out of my head, again ... and again ... and again.

Does this happen to you? What exactly is going on? Is it a memory issue? And the only frustrating part of this whole thing is when I actually run out, and am forced to deal with the "unmedicated" me.

The "unmedicated" me isn't fun at all. When this happens I feel like I am walking through a swamp full of jello and a thick fog, constantly being distracted by things that I (think I) see. My body tingles, kind of like I have the flu, and noises and sudden changes in my field of vision can set me off. I have a tolerance threshold of about "0", and I'm a little fearful of being in public, because of how I might react.

Well, the stars finally aligned, I placed the order for the meds I was missing and received them two days ago. I've been carrying a prescription for B12 and Prilosec, but have yet to send them in. I picked up the first prescriptions for these about two months ago, but lost them, and got a second round nearly three weeks ago.

All I have to do is mail or fax them, but I don't. At times my stomach kills me, but I still don't. I know my memory will decline, but still I hang on to the B12.

And this has happened many times in the past, is still happening today and undoubtedly will continue to happen in the future.

Ain't that special.

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