Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Through the Looking Glass ... Again

 A few years ago I wrote about "Alice Through the Looking Glass", and how it can be compared with the journey into mental illness. The face of the mirror is that point where "normalcy" meets madness. As we approach, we can only see this point from a distance, not really knowing how deeply into the mirror we'll end up.

This mirror isn't glass, but is actually made up of a "heavy" water, not the nuclear type, but about the consistency of clear jello. As you progress to the point of contact, and slowly begin going into and through the "glass", your perception of the world begins to change. Sure, you still have the ability to look back, and participate in the world.

But one thing has changed. You also are looking into a world that, no matter how strange, bad and unwelcoming, is the world you know. After years of participating as a citizen, you are comfortable with your position. That world now lies behind you, and what faces you is an unknown world, the mind of a mentally ill person.

When you're about half-way into the "mirror", you turn around and are able to watch the "real" world slowly go away. The further you get drawn into madness, the less likely it is that you'll be able to journey out. But not to worry; it's just another place. We do all we can to stay out; medications, therapy, ECT but sometimes it just isn't enough.

This is the way I look at it. Life is a continual journey, non-stop, from birth to death. It is all we have while on this earth, so we need to make the most if it. Do all you can to stay here mentally, but don't fret it when you, from time to time, walk a little ways into the "glass". Enjoy what you have, no matter what it is.

And remember, mental illness gives you the ability to experience things that others never will.

It is, in many ways, a blessing!

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