Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I need to set the stage. I'll be using an example when discussing my "fall from sanity". In order to put in the proper perspective, I'll give a little background.

Since High School, I have been a rock climber. It is something I could do that 1) most people couldn't do and 2) most people had no desire to do. It was something that, at least in my little world, I was good at, maybe even better than most. Throughout my entire life I was a "wannabee"; you know, one of those who really wanted to be good at something, tried very hard but just couldn't get past the point somewhere between a participant and a spectator.

The biggest fear in rock climbing is falling. Falling isn't the problem. No one has ever died climbing due to the fall; it's the sudden stop at the bottom that got most of them.

Climbing with no preset protection is called free climbing. Every 5-15 feet you take a climbing device and place it in a crack, over a knob or onto anything that will stop you in the case of a fall. You pass the rope through this device so in the case of a fall you will be stopped well before hitting the ground.

These climbing devices take on many shapes, forms and sizes. Some look like machine nuts, some take the shape of wedges made of softer metal, and some are a complex set of gears and pulleys, whose size can be increased or decreased by squeezing a handle. When properly applied, they provide a solid anchor point, guaranteeing any fall will be minimal.

Occasionally, when these pieces of protection aren't placed properly and a person falls, they will pull out, one by one. The only hope for the person falling is that one will finally hold, thus stopping the fall. Of course, the more that pull out, the greater the distance of the fall. Even if one does hold, if the distance has been too great, the results can be bad.

I've decided to begin describing my "fall from sanity" in these terms. It appears that this fall will be continual and progressive, until finally all of my protection pulls out and I hit the ground.

Whenever what I think is a significant event occurs, you'll read reference to  a piton breaks, a smashee pulls free, a nut twists out, etc. You'll know what I'm talking about.

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