Riding the Wave ... And the Trough

I am mentally ill, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I, OCD, ADHD, PTSD and a vitamin B12 deficiency (a key element in brain development). For over 12 years, I took anywhere from 5-8 psychotropic meds each day, and have been recently giving myself a monthly injection of B12.

In January 2012 I was hospitalized for depression, and management of my currrent med cocktail. Immediately all but two of my meds were discontinued and, after a few weeks of adjustment, and some near hospitalizations, things seem to be going much better.

I have been on permanent disability since January 2010, and am adjusting to life on a very limited income.

My prayer is that in walking with me during the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder, you might find solace, and benefit through my experiences.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Are We There Yet?

Are we there yet? These words uttered from the backseat on a relaxing vation can turn the calmest parent's nerves on edge. Little did I know I would be asking me those very same words, wishing for a completely different answer. Thise kids in the backseat wanted to arrive; I don't.

The journey through mental illness is very unique and personal. At any given time you don't really know where you are in your illness, and it's difficult to determine how you're doing, since that requires a comparison over time, and the duration and severity of your illness i always an unknown.

The very best you can do is detemine how you are in relation to how you have been before. Presently when I ask myself "are we there yet?" I hear a small voice in my head say, "Almost".

Years ago on this blog I described going mad (?) as slowly walking into a mirror, such as the one in "Alice Looking Through the Looking Glass". At first you just poke your nose, or toe in, with the ability to pull it right back again. Over time you find you are slipping in deeper and deeper, still with a small part of you back in reality.

At some point in time, you are all the way in. Turning around you can see the world in which you lived, but only relate in memories, which dimish over time. Slowly, over time, these memories start to fade, and your vision of what was becomes cloudy and indiscernable. You are in. You no longer have to ask if you are there yet ... you are.

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