On one of the blogs I frequent, the topic of conversation over the past few weeks, off and on, has been the existence of God. People seem to think that when bad things happen to good people, God should intervene and make everything alright. So, they think, that when bad things do happen to good people, God is either not there, or doesn't love His children enough to make things right.

What a "me, me, me" mentality! If God lets His people suffer, then He must not care for them. Then the decision is made that, "If God is mean and acts like that, He is mean, and I don't want anything to do with Him."

Just for a minute, let's consider what would happen if God decided not to let suffering happen to us. First, nobody would die. Life would go on, and on, and on ... until every single person, from Adam and his lovely wife Eve, would be roaming around the earth. Nice, huh? Think of all we learn about life through our trials and tribulations. Face it, take that away, and we take a lot of who we are away.

This reason for not believing in God makes no sense. We (mankind) made the decision at Creation to "go our own way". With that decision came a great responsibility and burden. God watches out for us, and shares out burdens, but they are ours to bear to conclusion.

I commented on one of these blogs that our lack of belief in God doesn't make Him cease to exist. He doesn't require our acceptance and belief in order to be real. One of my favorite quotes is explained below:

"Bidden or not bidden, God is present."

Carl Jung, the eminent psychologist, had this quote carved over the front door of his Zurich home, as well as on his tombstone. It is an English translation of the Latin "Vocatus Atque Non Vocatus Deus Aderit", a quotation he came across when studying Erasmus. The words are said to originate from the reply given by Delphic Oracle to the Spartans when they were planning a war against Athens: "Yes, the Gods will be present, but in what form and to what purpose?"(http://www.irishongrand.com/detail/179)


We live in this corrupt, dirty, violent world and, face it, it's not easy. We need to know the obstacles and dangers that get in our way, and how to avoid them. Living here, on this planet, in these times, takes special skills that we can only learn through trial and error or through the experiences of others. God gives us the tools we need to live; it is up to us to use them.

So give God the benefit of your doubt.  Realize that He knows what is best for us. Know that He is with you always, live your life as He leads, and where you are is where you are supposed to be.

Waiting On God's Call?

When does God call us into ministry?

After leaving the workforce over 8 months ago, I have been asking myself, "When will God call me again?" I didn't realize how important it would be for me to have a constant goal / objective / project in the works. For most of my life I had more than I could accomplish. Now I find it difficult to find one or two that are both meaningful and interesting.

Then I realized that God never calls you OUT of the ministry. As His children, He will use us, in many varying capacities, until we meet with Him face-to-face. And just like the jobs available in the workplace, the job might be simple, private, with no public recognition at all, and the impact we may never know. And then at other times it might be highly visible, stimulating, and effect many, many people. We must decide that we will do what He wants, and go where He leads, and be the best at the task at hand.

There might well be times when we are not doing what we want to do, but rest assured that when we follow God, we will always be doing exactly what He wants us to do.

Isn't that wonderful !

SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT CUTTING?

Not As Bad As It Looks ... It's Worse



This information was sent to me this afternoon concerning a seminar about teens and self-mutilation. This is an issue that not only affects teens and adolescents, but old farts like me. I went about 2 years self-mutilating, and I must admit, it was intoxicating.

I refer to Bipolar Disorder as the "faceless" disease. Since most of the pain is internalized, there is no obvious, discernable sign or symptom; it doesn't have a face, a tell-tale look or symptom that makes it identifiable. By cutting , I have put a face on mental illness; the cuts and scars are a constant reminder that I have an illness, one that is no longer hidden. (I realize it doesn't make sense to you; it doesn't to me now. But at the time, it makes perfect sense, and is something that must be done.

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Hello All,

Wanted to let the Ft. Wayne area church youth group leaders know about an issue we will be dealing with this Sunday night at our Lifetree Cafe. All the info, times, etc can be found in the below press release. This is a very real issue many of our youth, and others, are dealing with. Please know you are invited to bring your youth to this gathering and also to invite other youth leaders and groups to come as well. If you are coming please email me with numbers to that we can prepare for you.


NEWS RELEASE (For Immediate Release)

October 4, 2010


Contact: Pastor Don Wismer
2417 Getz Road
Ft Wayne, IN 46804
260-432-1524
Don@AldersgateCommunity.com



Scars of Self-Injury Revealed at Lifetree Café



Self-injury is known by several names, including self-abuse, self-mutilation, cutting, burning, and deliberate self-harm. The causes of this behavior, stories from two self-injurers, and ways to help will be discussed at Lifetree Café on Sunday, October 10th at 5:30 - 6:30PM.


While approximately 90 percent of self-injury behavior begins in the teenage years, this pattern often continues into adulthood as a private way of dealing with hurt and pain. While some may perceive self-injurers as pre-suicidal, research points to this behavior as a means of survival—from sexual abuse, an alcoholic parent, or other stressful situations.


Filmed interviews of two self-injurers will be shown at the event, and discussion about how to reach out in love to those caught in this behavior will follow. In addition, helpful information will be provided about the various forms of self-injury.


Admission to the 60-minute event is free. Snacks and beverages are available. Lifetree Café is promoted by The Aldersgate Community and is held at The Mocha Lounge, 6312 Covington Road.


(Lifetree Café is a place where people gather for conversation about life and faith in a casual coffeehouse-type setting. Questions about Lifetree may be directed to Don Wismer at 260-432-1524 or Don@AldersgateCommunity.com)

Forms, Forms and More Forms

Well, the good news is that I was approved for disability through my employer, the United Methodist Church. From the beginning to the end, the process was quick and painless; really! Once I notified my DS, the church, both at the Conference and General level, took off running. All I had to do was fill out and sign the form they sent, and they pushed the process along. I have worked for a number of large corporations, and their unwritten policy was, "Once you're gone, you're gone ... and forgotten about".

However, the other processes are another story, and can be divided into two areas; social security disability and financial protection.

Getting approval for Social Security disability is a difficult, involved and time-consuming process. Once the initial paperwork is submitted, they schedule two or more doctor appointments for you. I'm not really sure of the purpose of these visits, although I imagine it is to make a preliminary determination as to if you actually have, to some degree, the health issues that you claim. I often leave asking myself, "What in the world did that accomplish"?

The entire process of applying, doctor appointments, responding to inquiries and waiting, waiting waiting can take, so I am told, anywhere from 5-8 months, or more. Nearly 3/4 are denied the first time, since they need to make certain that 1) the disability fits their criteria and 2) you really have that disability. If denied, you can appeal up to three times, the third time being before a judge. I imagine that this person actually seeing the candidate could be helpful.

On nearly all of the loans I've taken out I also bought "payment protection", a policy that protects the person owing the money by either making the payments for them (with no interest) for a specific time period, until the loan is paid off  or actually pay off the loan in full up front. Each one of these requires a significant amount of paperwork, application and approval process and medical paperwork verifying the illness and dates of the illness. I am about half way through the process (about five), with only one rejection - which should be approved after an additional letter from my pDoc.

All in all, I must say that the process isn't all that bad. To apply for disability, you do need to be disabled, if for no other reason than to have the time to fill out all of the forms. And you have to keep good records, because there is occasion when someone will lose a copy of this, or require another copy of that, and having those on hand can be a life saver.

Throughout this process God has blessed us, and given us much more than we deserve. With all of my heart I tell you that none of this would have been possible without Him; He has watched out for us, kept us from making foolish mistakes and provided for us when the need was there. We try to do our part by following Him in prayer and devotion, but it's His plan, and we are honored to be a part.

Let me share one little story before I close, to let you know the miracles God can perform in our lives, if we simply let Him have control. I call this my "literary miracle".

About 15 years ago, I was Environmental/Safety Director of a large silicone-manufacturing plant in Amish country in northeast Indiana. One Saturday afternoon, my wife and I went to a Salvation Army store, and one item I purchased was a small booklet, "My Heart, Christ's Home", printed in the 40's. I fell in love with it; it was a story of how your home has separate compartments, like rooms, and Jesus wants to clean each one.

The following Monday, I took the booklet to work, sharing it with everyone who would listen. Throughout the morning I showed it to everyone I knew, and a few people that I didn't. Later in the morning one person I told was especially interested and, feeling that I needed to, but saddened by the thought, I gave it to her. I was truly heartbroken; as far as I knew, that was the last copy, never to be reprinted.

At noon I drove to the local Christian bookstore, my heart burdened with the book I my never see again. When I walked in, the store owner, who is a friend, grabbed me by the arm and hustled me to the back of the store. She was so excited. She had received a shipment of books in that morning, and told me, "I received a book today that I know you would love. I thought of you when I first laid eyes on it, and I won't think of selling you a copy. I am going to give you one."

 She reached behind a workbench and handed me a NEW copy of, you guessed it, "My Heart, Christ's Home". She gave me a copy of the very same book I had reluctantly given up no more than 2 hours earlier. There is no other way to explain this without using the words "miracle" and "God" and "blessing". This was a true gift from God; plain and simple. Whenever my faith wavers, or I question, I simply reflect on this gift of God, and I'm right back on track.

It also turns out that the time when I gifted the booklet and the delivery to the bookstore were the same. Isn't God wonderful!!!!

Until the next time.

BiPolarPastor

UMC General Board of Pension and Health Benefits

Have you ever worked for a company that, as long as you are producing and following their rules, you're treated with respect and kindness? The "upper management" makes over you, attentive to everything you say, feigning interest in what is important to you. I know it has happened to me in the past when I worked in some of the local factories. If you are anything like me, you'll swallow it hook, line and sinker. I'm naive and, even thought I know it's coming, I don't see it when it shows up.

So when I talked to my District Superintendent nearly two months ago, I expected the same treatment. After all, I would no longer be a "producer", so why would they care about me? I would now become a taker, rather than a giver. There are two things that pushed me into pursuing disability; my health gave me no choice, and I felt that God said the time was right for me to take this option.

I can tell you without reservation that, as of the moment I stepped into the DS's office, I have received respect, love and caring. He, the Indiana Conference HR Manager and the General Board of Pension and Health Benefits (GBOPHB) have pushed this process along with very little participation by myself. I am very impressed by the treatment they give their pastors in crisis.

And, I am very proud and happy to call myself a United Methodist.

Until we meet again,

Mike

The Biggest Problem ...

Pastors around the world have so much in common; sharing the word of God through the life of His son Jesus Christ through His spoken Word. Physically, they have the same concerns; family life, personal health, normal day-to-day problems that face so many. Spiritually, they encounter challenges that other pastors face and, even when never faced before, are dealt with with the same Scripture, the Word of God.

Pastors are called by God to serve God, regardless of their imperfections or idiosyncrasies. They are adequately equiped to do the task at hand, regardless of what they think are their capabilities. They are called to serve in any capacity necessary; hospital visits, funerals, home visits, counseling, sympathy over aches, pains, disease and illness. The are to give, give and give, past the point where they have nothing left to give. And then they are called upon to give again. Is this fair? It really doesn't matter. It's covered by a favorite quote of mine, "It might not be right, but it is."

Now the "sticky wicket". The sympathies pastors show to others is very seldom shown to them. This is especially true when they are experiencing something they can't tell anyone about. I wouldn't expect you to know, since the sharing of this information might cost them their job, their standing in the community and the trust that is so necessary in their job.

In 2007, a UMC conference reported that 65% (over 400) of the pastors were prescribed antidepressants. I was a part of that conference, and I don't know a single one of these pastors (other than myself). To proclaim from the pulpit, "I am mentally ill", would usually be the begining of the reappointment process, at the very least. To tell often opens a chasm that can be too wide to cross.

Pastors need an outlet, a place where they can go and feel comfortable about sharing who they are. Silence is not a viable option, since it compounds the problem. Self-exposure is key to recovery; it is the first essential step.

Next, we'll talk about a novel way of breaking this barrier without becoming vulnerable.

A New Day Dawns!

It looks like all of my bitchng and moaning about being a bipolar pastor is coming to an end. I have decided to take the advice given by my psychologist, therapist and orthopaedic doctor, and file for disability. I have decided that there is never really a good time to file, which requires being unemployed. However, my health is really beginning to suffer, and if I don't, I will regret it at a later date. This will be done in two separate stages.

1. First I will file with the UMC-sponsored disability insurance company. My doctors will fill out and return the forms I mailed today.

2. I need to schedule an appointment with my DS (District Superintendent), describe to him the situation and have him sign another form, which will be forwarded througout the UMC hierarchy. This will be the most intimidating part of the process, since I am scheduled to start my new appointment on July 01.

3. I have set my last day of work for June 20. So hopefully sometime between now and then I will be approved for disability. (I have discovered that our health insurance will continue while on this disability policy.

4. Once the process begins, I will be able to access 30% of my retirement. This will go a long way in paying off most of the hospital bills and bills difficult to meet lately due to the decreased income.

5. On June 20, I will begin the application process for Social Security Disability. (This can't begin until employment ends.)

So, over the past 14 months our life has changed entirely, with the exception of our faith in God. That has grown exponetially, and am confident it will continue. He has been with every step of the way. For instance, we had no idea how we cold get health insurance until we discovered it was part of the disability policy.

Welcome to the second edition of this website: Coming Out From Behind The Pulpit

God Is Good All Of The Time;
All Of The Time, God Is Good

Well, there is a good possibility that, after Jan. 01, 2010, the "bipolarpastor" will become either the "bipolar-expastor" or the "bipolar part-time pastor". A small group of people from the congregation have pushed for years to have me removed. They were never successful - nothing trumps God's call - and discovered if they made the position art-time, I would have to leave, since I need the benefits of a f-t pastor.

It's obvious this has been in the works for awhile. First, it was decided not to yoke with Wolcottville, which would have saved us $17,000. Now, amazingly, the giving is down, to the point where the money necessary for a f-t pastor isn't there. I'm almost certain these people have gone so far as to ask certain people to leave the church, and be ready to return once I'm gone. I do know they have asked a retired elder how they could get rid of me, and one of the group has been going around to members asking them to stop suporting me.

These folks have been confronted, and they deny that any of it is true. However, anyone with half a wit can see right through this scam. I just pray that the District Superintendent (my boss) can see through this charade. The connectional system that holds up the UMC structure is a political mess, and what's good for the Kingdom isn't always done in lieu of what is good for the "church system". They've lost their way, and I really don't think they even know it.

Our financial wellbeing (yeah, right) depends on how this all plays out. If the job goes to p-t, I lose insurance for the both of us and an income. They will keep me on p-t, at $20,000, and I will take it, but I'll only be going to church once during the week and on Sunday mornings. Also, my visitations will have to be curtailed significantly.

Please pray that Connie and I can be accepting of God's plan for our life together.

A Caretaker's Caretaker

Ever since my wife was released from the hospital last April 15th, I have been her sole caretaker. It is interesting how, after they determine they have done all they can, they just send you home. Sure, we had books and copies of instructions, but they don't begin to explain or describe the processes a person goes through when recovering from a massive stroke

So here I sit, writing about how sad I am sitting here. Amazing that the thing I am complaining about is the exact same thing that allows me to complain. And the wheel goes round and round and ...

My wife had to work all day, so I cleaned around the house some, and then came on into church. I have been here since 2:00, mostly brooding about being here. I want to spend Christmas Eve with my wife ... in our home ... doing the things we like to do. But I'm here, and she's there, 32 miles away.

If you have been following my blog, then you are aware that I have had a great deal of trouble with a small number or parishioners. Today I discover that one member of the church whom I just knew was supportive IS NOT. They've been talking behind my back about getting rid of me, and it makes me sick to my stomach. What is it about being up front and honest that eludes these people?

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." (Matthew 18:15-18 RSV)

As a Christian we must always strive to follow the commands of Jesus. Granted this is one of the most difficult things to do, but we should at least head in that direction. Our job in this world is not to tear down, but build up. I abhor the way people treat each other. What I really HATE is the way people treat each other behind their back.

I am nearing the end of my last thread. I am tired. I am sad. I am sick. I am lost. I am weak. My heart aches. My head spins. My time in the desert is long, lonely and threatening.

Merry Christmas

If you

Tonight's the Night

Tonight is the night! This is the night my boss, the District Superintendent, comes to talk to the church. Some of the members have asked her to stop by and make certain she knows that they support me. The reason is because the Pastor Parish Review Committee has recommended that I not be called back next year.

Keep in mind this is a recommendation only, and the final decision is totally up to the DS and the Bishop. I feel I'll be called back here next year for my 9th year, but God only knows.

The problem with this kind of meeting is that for nearly 3 hours I get to hear people talk about me, both good and bad, with me in the room. Believe me, this is a VERY stressful situation, and one I'd never recommend to anyone. I was quiet and expressionless both when they were critical and when they were supportive.

Recently additional stress has brought on bouts of shingles. Due to my scoliosis, I have a twisted rib centered where the Chicken Pox virus lies (or so I have been told), and stress causes this to swell, which in turn irritates the virus. It starts out feeling like my skin is "sore". Then when the Shingles come about, I'm in for weeks of problems.

God, please help me.